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Thursday, May 8, 2008

Shots Fired At Coors Field Last Night

Local authorities are reporting that two shots from a high-powered rifle, reportedly in the shape of Rick Ankiel’s left arm, were fired from the centerfield warning track last night at Coors Field. No one was fatally injured, but the pride of Willy Taveras and Omar Quintanilla suffered substantial damage. Reports have also shown that several people in the Denver area are in a state of shock. Cardinal 3rd baseman, Troy Glaus, the recipient of the 2 shots, appeared to be unharmed and walked off the field under his own power with no visible discrepancy but a smile on his face. B&C’s own Mark Townsend has unearthed the video footage, seen here.
Denver was in disbelief. The shots fired from the outfield were so overwhelming and unconscionable that a fine performance by St. Louis starter Braden Looper and a 4-hit night by right fielder Ryan Ludwick went almost completely unnoticed. In fact, most of the night was overshadowed by the bullets that left Rick Ankiel’s hand in the 1st and 8th innings. Including the fact that the Cardinals won 6-5.

Colorado Rockies season ticket holder, Glen MacDonald, stated that he had, “never seen anything like it. Tavares was on his way to 3rd and he just got gunned down. Quintanilla too. Does the league know he has that thing? Because it doesn’t seem fair to the rest of the players. I just couldn’t believe it.”

The use of firearms at Coors Field is, of course, prohibited and the weapon in question must have been illegally smuggled onto the premises unbeknownst to Rockies fans, Coors Field security and Denver Law Enforcement. Derrick Moore of the Coors Field Security Staff stated that, “That guy must have sneaked past our metal detectors, because he was packin’ some serious gear. I saw the shots fired at 3rd and couldn’t believe it. And the guy launched a bomb into the right field stands. I don’t know where he got that kind of weaponry, but we’ll have

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